I’m something of a morning person. I’m happiest when I commit to rising shortly after the sun does, even if it’s not always easy. I love the first glimpse of a new day’s light, as soft as my surroundings. I love how the silence stores the potential of the day. I love breakfast foods.
According to my orgasm log (yep, I’m one of those) my body seems to love mornings as much as my spirit. I wonder what that’s about. Regardless, it’s a stroke of good luck, I realized while preparing to film my morning me-time. My bedroom’s only window faces east.
I swear, I’m really not much of an exhibitionist. I like how I look, but sexting does nothing for me. I don’t engage in PDA beyond hand-holding, or a quick peck on the lips. Before becoming a blogger, I rarely even took standard selfies. There’s nothing wrong with doing any of those things, they’re just not for me. But a certain Social Sex Revolution compelled me to change my tune.
MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, part video-sharing platform and part social movement, was created to help society celebrate sexuality instead of shaming it. It makes no sense for something so natural to be so taboo. This can only change if we start talking openly and honestly about sex, and the real people sharing their #realworldsex on video hope to start that conversation. Recently, I decided I wanted to add to it.
I started by studying myself in the mirror for awhile, as nature designed me. It wasn’t an unfamiliar sight. I’d recently made a habit of admiring my shape after showers, to help cultivate a healthier body image. With a camera in hand, I could appreciate my form as the lens did. I am truly just colors and curves.
I made a mental note to stay present in my body during this process. I set up my smartphone on the windowsill, using the front-facing camera so I could watch as I recorded. It wasn’t to focus on what I looked like, but to observe my body’s response to pleasure, like a lover might. However that ended up looking would be just fine.
As many times as I’d seen myself naked in a mirror, I’d never watched me love on myself in real time before. Sure, I’d filmed some brief clips of partnered play in the past, but this was different. I loved being able to match a visual to the sensations as they occurred. It added a whole new dimension to a familiar pastime.
The angle I chose wasn’t particularly flattering, but it was best for catching the light. Honestly? The vision thrilled me anyway. I could see almost every inch of myself as I drifted between observing and absorbing the experience. As I watched myself during the recording process, I felt acutely aware of my humanity in a new way, and loved myself a little bit more for it.
Watching the video after the fact was incredibly fun. I was watching myself watch myself love myself. It was like a pleasure inception! I often study faces when I watch porn and other erotic content, and it was wild to be able to observe what my own face was doing. After orgasm, my face had the most serene expression I’d ever seen on it before. It was a beautiful, vulnerable moment that I’m so grateful my camera helped me see.
After chatting with the content curator over Skype (standard procedure for all submitters), I realized I couldn’t submit the video to Make Love Not Porn after all. My Mona Wave was too close to the microphone, buzzing like an angry bee. I also forgot to shut off the copyrighted music playing in the background. I should have shot the video horizontally instead of vertically. I’m not that sorry, though. It just means I get to do it all over again. This time, there will definitely be some adorable underwear involved.