4 Things I Learned From Teaching Oral Sex Workshops

Author holding a sticker with a picture of an anatomical clitoris. Caption: "You found it!"
You probably knew this, but ignorance about the location of the clitoris is epidemic.

I really love my teaching gigs. They’re some of the best opportunities I have to learn about real people and their experiences. My workshops on oral sex have been particularly enlightening in this way, and here are four of my biggest takeaways.

1) Everyone Wants To Give Great Head

Of all the sex acts in the world, oral sex seems to have captured our collective imagination in a singular way. This is just one sex educator’s opinion, but I can’t help but notice it. From Cosmopolitan’s bold headlines to boastful Tinder suitors, it seems like we’re all keen to show off our chops.

This is especially so when I consider attendance at sex tip workshops I’ve facilitated. I’ve taught on all kinds of sexuality-related topics, but it’s the blowjob workshops that fill up fastest every time. We should study this phenomenon.

2) Porn Has Created Some Misconceptions About Oral

Pornography does not exist to educate, but in the U.S., in the absence of an actual sex ed initiative, porn has wound up filling the void. But porn is fantasy, created to entertain. When this is misunderstood, even the occasional viewer can wind up believing, say, that deepthroating is essential for a good blowjob. I am asked about this all the time! (And for the record, it’s untrue.)

Another issue with mainstream, heterosexual porn is the comparatively rare depiction of cunnilingus, while blowjobs are standard fare. This can create the impression that cis women don’t enjoy being eaten out, or don’t need that focused stimulation to get off. Neither of these are really true, as blogger Miss Scarlet is happy to verify. Porn sex isn’t real sex, but the lack of understanding around this can negatively impact real-life sex.

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3) Oral Sex and the Orgasm Gap Are Closely Linked

Like I mentioned earlier, the most popular workshops I’ve worked have always been blowjob-centric. Predictably, this success is invariably driven by straight women, looking to score some partner-pleasing tips. A solid goal.

However, it’s hard to imagine straight men anywhere on Earth gathering in dozens to discuss how to give cis women better head. Female pleasure just isn’t taken seriously, and this is the root of the orgasm gap. Save a snack, eat more pussy!

4) Watching Strangers Fellate Bananas Never Gets Old

Blowjob workshops have historically been my favorite to teach, and for the best possible reason. Many folks are hands-on learners, you see, and it’s amazing the difference a clever prop can make. So naturally, the sex shop I used to work for would distribute bananas to workshop attendees. You know, to learn on.

The sight of fifty-odd people filling their faces with underripe tree fruit, expressions shifting from hesitant to eager, is exactly as funny as it sounds. It never stops being that funny. These are among the memories I’ll revisit on my deathbed. Don’t worry, condoms went on first. Protection is important, and we allowed no bananas to come to harm during their service.

What do you think? Why do we care so much about being good at oral sex, specifically? What’s a really unhelpful message you received about it when you were younger? Do you enjoy fellating fruit? Do discuss.